Bill Walton is one of the few television broadcasters that can blend NBA basketball knowledge and humor so well. I have yet to see a fan site with humorous Bill Walton quotes so I figured I would take it upon myself. The website will likely be updated Wednesdays and Sundays following Walton broadcasts on ESPN and ABC respectively. Without any further hype, here they come...
"That was the worst execution of the fast break in the history of the Trail Blazer franchise"
-- Bill Walton, after the Blazers failed to convert a 3 on 1 fast break. 4.13.2003
"Stroke it, big man!"
--Bill Walton, referring to Arvydas Sabonis as he nails a jumper. 4.13.2003
"What balance What on court-awareness!"
--Bill Walton, as Shaq tiptoes the baseline and saves the possession. 4.20.2003
"Maurice Cheeks has seen enough the inability to complete the simplest of plays."
--Bill Walton after Portland calls yet another timeout against Dallas. 4.25.2003
"You might wanna guard him..."
--Bill Walton, as Dirk Nowitzki nails another three point jumper. 4.25.2003
"Flip Saunders throws up his hands in exasperated dismay!"
--Bill Walton, after a phantom foul call against Wally Szczerbiak. 4.27.2003
"How long do these hockey games last?"
-- Bill Walton, because the basketball game is getting pre-empted by a hockey game going into a third overtime. 5.2.2003
"All Don Nelson can do is shake his head and ask what has happened to our once beautiful team?" --Bill Walton, as Portland dismantles Dallas. 5.2.2003
"What a palace this is."
-- Bill Walton, referring to the Rose Garden. 5.2.2003
"This Portland team is nothing more than a band of pranksters."
-- Bill Walton, as the Blazers are defeated in Game 7 of their playoff series. 5.4.2003
"Show some respect to this living legend, this hall of famer...Arvydas Sabonis."
--Bill Walton, as Sabonis makes a nice play. 5.4.2003
"Sabonis is the epitome of competitive greatness."
-- Bill Walton, on Arvydas Sabonis. 5.4.2003
-- Bill Walton, to Tom Tolbert 5.4.2003
"A huge Chinese population here in... Houston."
-- Bill Walton, making a comment on Yao Ming 1.21.2004
"He had everything, he had... a doll."
-- Bill Walton, on Penny Hardaways fall from prominence 1.21.2004
"He even flew in his hairdresser, Celeste, so not only does Jermaine ONeal look pretty, hes looking to play pretty tonight."
-- Bill Walton, after Jermaine ONeal hits a jumper 1.23.2004
"Goodness gracious sakes alive."
-- Bill Walton, after an apparent foul goes uncalled. 1.30.2004
"You tower over Allen Iverson yourself, you could post him up."
-- Bill Walton, to Brent Musberger. 2.1.2004
"He's been working out in the off-season, on that incredible computer generated body he has."
-- Bill Walton, on Kevin Garnett. 2.1.2004
"Jack up a three Spree!"
-- Bill Walton, as Latrell Sprewell passes the ball off in the midst of a TWolves run. 2.1.2004
"Look at Horace's shoes, arent they a thing of beauty?"
-- Bill Walton, on Horace Grants multi-colored sneakers. 2.4.2004
"Shaq with the monster throwdown, the basket just reverberating."
-- Bill Walton, after a big Shaq dunk. 2.4.2004
"Never let your legends go."
-- Bill Walton, on Shaquille ONeal, whose Lakers beat the Magic earlier in the day. 2.8.2004
"The only thing he is worth is another teams mistake. This guy has ruined every situation he has been in. This is a classic underachiever."
-- Bill Walton, on Rasheed Wallace. 2.8.2004
"You look at Vladimir Radmanovic, this guy is cut from stone. As if Michelangelo was reading and a lightening bolt flashed before him."
-- Bill Walton, 2.8.2004
"Yeah now that's basketball there, jack up a three in transition!"
-- Bill Walton, as the Blazers and Sonics exchange missed three point shot attempts. 2.8.2004
"It does'nt get any better than that!"
-- Bill Walton, after a confused Trail Blazers team throws up a wild shot to end the first half. 2.8.2004
"Not a critic, just a reporter of facts"
-- Bill Walton, after Brent Musberger teased him about his criticism of Rasheed Wallace. 2.8.2004
"Its a critical game, the battle for 10th place!"
-- Bill Walton, on the Portland-Seattle game. 2.8.2004
"Jeff Van Gundy cannot believe this!"
-- Bill Walton, then a camera immediately catches a shot of a relaxed Van Gundy. 2.11.2004
"You talk about Shaq as a ballerina, what a pirouette from Yao!"
-- Bill Walton, as Ming twists in the lane. 2.11.2004